i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
