That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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