When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
