How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
