I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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