I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
