Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am available for nakedness
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize