things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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