Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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