I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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