The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize