there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
