beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
