at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
