Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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