I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
