I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just had sex bonerless
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
