We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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