Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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