If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you would pick up someone in the library
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
