Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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