a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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