Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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