Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
