So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
