I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
