I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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