I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
