Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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