You made me cry and you don't even care
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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