i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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