brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
