the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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