Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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