I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
