"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
