you mean i was at the winter classic?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
