SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
