Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
