Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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