Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
