I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
