If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
