she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just forgot I was standing up.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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