no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
