come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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