Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
