I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
