I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
