I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
