i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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