You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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