I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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