He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
