just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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