Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
