i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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