I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
