If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
