Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
