i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
