i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
