I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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