when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
