after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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