Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
