I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
