My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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