Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
