so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
