he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
