i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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