I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
