I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
