I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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